“Wolfman’s Got Nards”: Why The Monster Squad Still Kicks
What the Hell Is The Monster Squad?
Directed by Fred Dekker (aka king of 80s horror mashups) and co-written by Lethal Weapon’s Shane Black, The Monster Squad is a monster movie about monster movies. Dracula, Frankenstein's monster, the Mummy, Gill-Man, and the Wolfman rise from the grave, because obviously there’s a magical amulet, duh, and it’s up to a group of foul-mouthed, monster-obsessed kids to save the world.
Think:
👦 Misfit nerds
🧛♀️ Classic horror monsters
💥 Explosions, creepy German guys, and BMX bikes
It’s everything we loved about the 80s… with a side of “wait, this was for kids?”
There are a few movies that live in your brain rent-free if you grew up loving monsters, practical effects, and kids who weren’t squeaky-clean Disney channel clones. For me, The Monster Squad (1987) is that movie.
It’s not just a cult classic. It’s better than The Goonies. There, I said it.
More monsters. More edge. Funnier, weirder, and way less sanitized. It’s the horror-kid’s answer to every “wholesome” 80s adventure flick, and it still holds up.
Monsters, Mayhem, and Zero Parental Supervision
The setup’s simple: Dracula rolls into town with a gang of monsters: Gill-Man, the Mummy, Wolfman, and Frankenstein’s monster, and a bunch of horror-obsessed kids are the only ones who can stop them. They’ve got stakes, silver bullets, a creepy German neighbor, and zero adult support. It rules.
What The Monster Squad nails that others don’t is tone. It’s scary enough to feel legit, funny enough to quote endlessly, and just rough around the edges in a way that makes it feel real. These kids talk like kids did in the late '80s—messy, sarcastic, sometimes offensive. And yeah, some of it definitely wouldn’t fly today. But that’s also what makes it a time capsule. It’s part of the nostalgia, for better or worse.
It Flopped. Then It Took Over.
Released in 1987, it totally tanked at the box office. Wrong marketing, bad timing, and probably too much edge for the “family movie” crowd. But Monster Squad didn’t die. It came back on VHS, late-night cable, and conventions. Fans kept it alive—and now it’s got the cult following it always deserved.
I’m Getting This Inked
No, seriously. I’ve been dreaming up a full Monster Squad-inspired sleeve. I want Dracula, Phoebe and Frankenstein, Wolfman mid-transformation, the whole vibe. So if you’re a horror-loving tattoo artist in Michigan and down to bring this to life, hit me up. Let’s make it sick.
Even Gill-Man Could Use a Scrub
Let’s not pretend those swamp vibes didn’t come with a stench. Even Gill-Man could’ve benefited from a bar of TerraFy soap. Our natural, aluminum-free, horror-inspired deodorant and body care line keeps you fresh through monster fights, summer heat, and rewatch marathons. Plastic-free and freak-approved.
Final Thought
If it’s been a while, watch it again. If you’ve never seen it? Fix that. The Monster Squad still kicks, still shocks, and still feels cooler than most horror comedies out there.
Drop your favorite quote in the comments (yes, we all love the nards line), and if you’ve got tattoo ideas or monster fan art—I want to see it.
